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How to Shoot Yourself In the Foot
C
You shoot yourself in the foot.
C++
You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying "That's me, over there."
FORTRAN
You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling facility.
Modula-2
After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.
COBOL
USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied.
Lisp
You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds...
BASIC
Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On big systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.
Forth
Foot yourself in the shoot.
APL
You shoot yourself in the foot; then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters.
Pascal
The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.
Snobol
If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot.
HyperTalk
Put the first bullet of the gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the result.
Prolog
You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't allow it to explain.
370 JCL
You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried.
grüsse sewin
How to Shoot Yourself In the Foot
C
You shoot yourself in the foot.
C++
You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying "That's me, over there."
FORTRAN
You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling facility.
Modula-2
After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.
COBOL
USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied.
Lisp
You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds...
BASIC
Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On big systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.
Forth
Foot yourself in the shoot.
APL
You shoot yourself in the foot; then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters.
Pascal
The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.
Snobol
If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot.
HyperTalk
Put the first bullet of the gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the result.
Prolog
You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't allow it to explain.
370 JCL
You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried.
grüsse sewin
